All We Could Still Have by Diane Barnes EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Authors: Diane Barnes
- Language: English
- Genre: Marriage & Divorce Fiction
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 2 MB
- Price: Free
Like a fairy godmother about to grant a wish, Dr. Evans positioned herself
between the stirrups my feet rested in and lifted the wand. Across the room,
my husband, Kyle, scrolled through his phone, probably looking at hockey
scores. The first two times we’d done this, he stood beside me, his fingers
laced through mine and his eyes fixed on the monitor Dr. Evans studied while
she guided the catheter toward my uterus. When she’d reached the target and
released the miracle potion, he squeezed my hand and smiled. Today, she
discharged the embryos, and he yawned.
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During our previous rounds, he’d kept me company after the procedure
while I was required to lie still. We’d talked about our baby’s future. Kyle
wanted a little girl who took after me so he could see what I had been like as
a kid. Honest to God, I’m not sure how I ended up with such a sweet
husband. The baby’s gender didn’t matter to me. I only wanted to pass on a
piece of my parents, keep the DeMarco bloodline going. I also prayed that the
baby inherited Kyle’s big heart and disposition. Compared to me, he was
usually a lot less grumpy.
This afternoon after Dr. Evans finished the transplantation, Kyle said he
needed air and followed her out of the room. I wished he’d stayed, because
we needed to talk. I had to find out what was distracting him.
When I was finally allowed to get up, a nurse led me to Dr. Evans’s
office, where Kyle and the doctor were waiting. They stopped speaking when
I entered, and I wondered if they had been talking about me. As soon as I sat
down, Dr. Evans launched into the usual postprocedural instructions. My
mind wandered as she spoke. I already knew this. No rigorous activity; don’t
take a drugstore pregnancy test, because they often result in false negatives;
come back on day eleven for a blood test.
As if she knew I wasn’t paying attention, Dr. Evans shifted her body so
that she was angled toward me. “It’s important that you both remain
optimistic, emit positive energy.” This was new, and I laughed, because
positive energy, really? It was such bullshit. Dr. Evans didn’t appreciate my
laughter. I could tell by the way she pushed her glasses off her eyes into her
long silver hair, the way she did when she told me something she didn’t want
to and couldn’t bear to see my reaction. It was exactly what she’d done the
two times she broke the news the IVF didn’t work.
“I’m serious,” she said. “Your mindset is important.”
Sure Kyle would find this as funny as I did, I tried to catch his eye, but
he was staring at the mauve-colored wall behind Dr. Evans’s desk with his
arms folded across his massive chest.
“Okay, then, I’ll try.” I was willing to try anything. In four months, I
would be forty.
When we were ready to leave, Dr. Evans walked us to the door and
placed her hand on my shoulder. “I have a good feeling about this time,
Nicole,” she said.
I didn’t believe her, mostly because she usually called me Nikki and
only used my full name when she was concerned about something
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