Glad You’re Here by Nikki Paris EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Authors: Nikki Paris
- Language: English
- Genre: contemporary romance
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 4.5 MB
- Price: Free
Thea
To Anyone Who Gives a Fuck,
A knife would be too messy. I don’t own a gun. Thanks to my
fibromyalgia pain, I’ve never been any good at tying knots, and there aren’t
any decent lakes within 50 miles. Pills don’t always work, and totaling a
good car would be such a waste. Besides that, I’d have to ensure that I
traveled fast enough for the impact to kill me. I hate driving fast.
No. Throwing myself from some rocky precipice is the way to go. There’s
one within walking distance from my house. I look at it every night before I
fall asleep.
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Free-falling from a cliff would be an invigorating experience. One more
moment to feel alive right before I died. Maybe the wind would whistle in
my ears and tug at my clothing. My heart might thump, and a scream might
tear from my throat.
Then it would all be over.
This isn’t some selfish attention-grab, by the way. I don’t want to hurt
anyone or leave anyone sobbing, “I should have saved her!”
No one can save me. The world could fall in adoration at my feet, and I
would feel nothing. And this is the conundrum. I. Feel. Nothing. I haven’t
for a long while and am simply tired of existing.
It’s exhausting to survive as a shell of a person — to smile and pretend
and perform useless tasks day in and day out. I shouldn’t have to keep
enduring in this pathetic way if I don’t want to. In a world so flawed and
ugly, I don’t owe anyone a thing.
And before you try to bring god into this, I don’t believe in him. Note my
intentional use of lowercase letters. Don’t tell me that my individuality and
unique perspective are needed in this world as if I’m allowed to truly be
myself. Society isn’t built that way.
The rich and important stay rich and important, and the rest of us act as
pawns in their sick games. We’re convinced that with enough blood, sweat,
tears, and ass-kissing, we can climb the societal ladder and join the ones
pulling our strings, but we can’t.
The only moves allowed are lateral.
I apologize. I misspoke. One vertical move is permissible — down.
You are welcome to fall from grace, to plummet to a level of perfect
numbness and misery. I’m guessing it’s similar to falling from a cliff. I’ll
find out soon enough.
It’s Nothing Personal,
Thea
Tuesday was a good day for falling from cliffs. Maybe I’d do it on
Tuesday.
Or maybe not.
I closed my laptop, yawned, and stretched. I should stop writing suicide
notes. Half of the details were fictional, like the part about the lake and the
cliff. I did live within seven miles of Lake Nighthorse, and there wasn’t a
rocky precipice to be viewed from my bedroom window every night. The
part about feeling nothing, though, was the most honest thing I’d ever
written.
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