My Heart Still Beats by Helen Hardt EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Authors: Helen Hardt
- Language: English
- Genre: contemporary romance
- Format: PDF / EPUB
- Size: 2 MB
- Price: Free
Tessa
Three Months Later…
Sometimes I’d rather die than go through one more day of feeling like this.
But I’m not suicidal. I don’t have a stash of sleeping pills or razor blades
hidden at my place. The thought of anything like that sickens me. I’ve
spoken to my therapist ad nauseam about these feelings, and she agrees I’m
not at risk of ending my life.
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She originally called it “passive suicide ideation,” but then she explained
that term means actively thinking about one’s own death without having
any plan for bringing it about.
Then after several sessions, she agreed that’s not me, either. I don’t
actively think about ending my life or even about dying. Sometimes,
though, I just feel like I’d rather be dead than go through one more day of
this agony.
On my computer screen are photos of a private Jamaican resort. The
featured image on the website is, of course, the gorgeous beach. The blue of
the ocean contrasts with the dazzling white sand. Palm trees frame the outer
edges, adding a lush green to the scene.
The photo must be enhanced. Nothing can be that beautiful.
My mood changes daily.
Today’s a bad day.
But I also have good days, and I remind myself of that when I’m having a
bad day. I remind myself that I love the beach, the blue sky, the feeling of
sand squishing between my toes. The sound of seagulls flying overhead.
Stepping around jellyfish. Finding a starfish and throwing it back into the
water, to its life.
Right now, I’m busy—or at least trying to be—planning my best friend’s
bachelorette party in Jamaica. Skye Manning is marrying the blue-collar
billionaire Braden Black, so no expense will be spared. Funny, the old Tessa
—before Garrett Ramirez changed her—would love planning the most
amazing bachelorette bash on the planet for her best friend in the world.
I’m glad to have a reprieve when my phone buzzes. It’s my father.
Comfort settles over me. My father is such a strong and kind man, and I
know he’d bear this burden for me if he could.
“Hey, Da,” I say into the phone.
“Hey, angel,” he says in his low voice. “Just wanted to hear your voice.
Let you know your mom and I are thinking of you. How are you getting
along?”
“I’m okay.” It’s not a lie, exactly. I’m not having a great day, but I don’t
want him to worry. “I’m working on the bachelorette stuff for Skye.”
“Tessa, what have I told you your whole life? About lying to me?”
Good old Da. He always knows. Knows me better than I know myself
sometimes. “I’m sorry. Today’s a bad day.”
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