Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Status: Available for Free Download
- Author Name: Matt Haig
- Book Genre: Autobiography, Health, Memoir, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help
- ISBN # 9780143128724
- Date of Publication: 2015-3-5
- PDF File Size: 1.2 MB
- EPUB File Size: 404 KB
The day I died
I CAN REMEMBER the day the old me died.
It started with a thought. Something was going wrong. That was the
start. Before I realised what it was. And then, a second or so later, there
was a strange sensation inside my head. Some biological activity in the
rear of my skull, not far above my neck. The cerebellum.
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A pulsing or
intense flickering, as though a butterfly was trapped inside, combined
with a tingling sensation. I did not yet know of the strange physical
effects depression and anxiety would create. I just thought I was about to
die. And then my heart started to go. And then I started to go. I sank,
fast, falling into a new claustrophobic and suffocating reality. And it
would be way over a year before I would feel anything like even halfnormal again.
Up until that point I’d had no real understanding or awareness of
depression, except that I knew my mum had suffered from it for a little
while after I was born, and that my great-grandmother on my father’s
side had ended up committing suicide. So I suppose there had been a
family history, but it hadn’t been a history I’d thought about much.
Anyway, I was twenty-four years old. I was living in Spain – in one of
the more sedate and beautiful corners of the island of Ibiza. It was
September. Within a fortnight, I would have to return to London, and
reality. After six years of student life and summer jobs. I had put off
being an adult for as long as I could, and it had loomed like a cloud. A
cloud that was now breaking and raining down on me.
The weirdest thing about a mind is that you can have the most intense
things going on in there but no one else can see them. The world shrugs.
Your pupils might dilate. You may sound incoherent. Your skin might
shine with sweat. And there was no way anyone seeing me in that villa
could have known what I was feeling, no way they could have
appreciated the strange hell I was living through, or why death seemed
such a phenomenally good idea.
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