Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime by Julie Menanno EPUB & PDF – eBook Details Online
- Author Name: Julie Menanno
- Book Genre: Nonfiction, Relationships, Self Help
- ISBN # 9781668012864
- ASIN # 1668012863
- Edition Language: English
- Date of Publication: January 30, 2024
- PDF File Size: 11 MB
- EPUB File Size: 13 MB
The Problem Beneath the Problem
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“The problem is not the problem.”
Hi, I’m glad you’re home,” Jen says to her husband, Andrew, as he walks in the
door and puts his keys on the table to greet her. “But you put your keys on the
table again. I’ve asked you a hundred times to put them on the hook. That’s why
we call it the ‘key hook.’”
“Really?” Andrew responds. “I just walked in the door. I almost always put
them on the hook. You really need to bring this up the second I get home?”
“Almost always? Hardly. More like ‘never,’” Jen says. “It might be a small
thing to you but to me it’s a big deal. I’m the only one who picks things up
around here.”
You may have heard the phrase “The problem is not the problem” before,
especially if you’ve been in therapy. When partners are fighting—whether they’re arguing over money, parenting, where to live, in-laws, sex, or taking out
the trash—the conflict is almost never about the issue at hand. Don’t get me
wrong, issues at hand are important. The trash does need to be taken out, bills
do need to get paid, kids do need to be parented, and overall fairness does matter.
The bigger problem, however, is what’s blocking all of the issues at hand from
being worked through in a way that doesn’t harm the relationship bond. Only
when the bigger problem is addressed can the issues at hand be worked through.
The bigger problem, the problem underneath the problem, is almost always one
of communication, which we see here in a typical argument between this couple,
Andrew and Jen.
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